it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
