at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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