I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
