Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
