I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
