Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
