ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
