I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
