They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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