How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I believe in your delicious
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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