hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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