I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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