even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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