her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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