i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
