I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
