Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
