I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
