i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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