the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
