The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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