Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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