Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
