I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
