i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
