the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
