Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
