Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
