I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
