Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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