i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
