It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
