My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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