Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
