I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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