im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
