How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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