yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
