Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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