just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
