I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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