I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
