D3 body, D1 cock
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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