perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
