That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
