this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
