does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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