Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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