Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
