That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
