I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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