That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
